How does YOYO settle emotions before returning to deal with a relationship?

YOYO first steps away from the setting that is making her upset, waits for her feelings to ease, then returns to the relationship. While you are angry or hurt, forcing a clear discussion may not be timely. Letting your thoughts move away from the immediate argument and processing your feelings first makes it easier to consider why the other person spoke that way.

YOYO plays music she likes, looks at and touches favorite decorative tapes and collectibles, and keeps a diary, noting a few keywords and writing down what is on her mind. In her faith practice, she also visualizes and inwardly tells the deities and Bodhisattvas about her hurt. These are methods YOYO has found helpful. Different people may prefer different things.

However, feeling temporarily happier does not mean the matter has been resolved. YOYO later added another step: finding an appropriate time to try to communicate and reconcile. If something is never discussed, it may remain in both people’s minds, with neither willing to speak first.

I often remind people that when emotions arise with family or a partner, the conversation does not have to happen immediately. Wait until everyone is more relaxed, perhaps after a meal or during a walk, then explain why those words felt uncomfortable and what wording you could understand more easily. Once feelings settle, it is easier to hear the other person and make your own meaning clear.

A fellow practitioner also shared knowing that something was minor yet remaining unable to let it go, even pressing an advantage without mercy. Thinking about it for a long time brought no relief. This practitioner would repent before the Bodhisattva, acknowledge not having passed this challenge and pray for wisdom. While reciting the Universal Gate Chapter, the practitioner felt calmer and, on looking back, found the matter less serious than it had first seemed. Settling yourself also helps you see what exactly you have been unable to release.

YOYO described another approach: taking a short time to sort through emotions, pausing and having tea, then checking whether the same issue still has a hold on her. This is how she observes herself. It does not mean everyone must follow a fixed number of repetitions or minutes to count as having handled emotions properly.

We also need to distinguish self-adjustment from taking all the blame for being mistreated. In discussing empathy, I explicitly said that being bullied is not always your own fault. You can first leave a situation you cannot bear. Once settled, consider any responsibility that is yours and how to address the relationship. Do not force yourself to swallow every form of harm.