How can we face attachment when honoring ancestors, keeping belongings, and remembering the deceased?

After a loved one dies, missing them and grieving do not stop immediately just because someone says to let go. Yet continually holding on also makes it difficult for your own heart to settle. In cases involving ancestral tablets, some attachments appear connected with family bloodlines and ancestral worship; offerings may soothe and ease them. This is a religious observation, not a description of every ancestor.

I once met a client whose mother had been dead for twelve years, yet the client still prepared her bowl and chopsticks every day and ate and slept as though her mother were present. In my perception then, the attachment ran both ways. We later encouraged both to let go and asked the Bodhisattva to assist with spiritual deliverance. Advice about photographs and belongings arose from such cases, not a claim that every household displaying a photograph has the same situation.

Memorial diamonds made from ashes and keepsakes cannot all be called bad. But if wearing one repeatedly brings you back into pain that is hard to release, consider what concerns you. I encourage keeping remembrance in your heart and helping the departed move toward something better through blessings and religious rites, rather than passing one judgment on all memorial objects.

During deliverance rites, I sometimes perceive an approximate sense of where deceased relatives or friends have gone and communicate with help from Lord Bao and guardian deities. These are my service experiences, not a basis for assigning every deceased person a destination. I also hope families respect wishes such as organ donation. Believing a loved one or pet may return differs from insisting that they return to you in a particular way.

Those who leave and those who remain each have their own days ahead. While you can still work at life and spend time with family, do your best and cherish it. Eventually, knowing you gave your best, gradually let go. This practice concerns real feelings and finding stability, not rushing people to end their grief.

How belongings are handled also depends on their meaning to those involved. Releasing some possessions may help relatives stop remaining trapped in grief. Yet some objects have particular sentimental value to the departed; hearing “let go” does not mean selling or clearing everything. Within our religious understanding, such special attachments may still need exploration. Remembrance can remain in the heart, while arrangements for objects depend on the individual case.

Photographs and belongings also require considering how you use and think about them. Dao Shun discussed a colleague unable to let go of a partner. From our faith perspective, we considered how that attachment might unsettle both. But occasionally looking at photographs and remembering the past differs from keeping your whole daily life frozen as if the person had never left.

The point is therefore not to clear all keepsakes and forbid yourself to remember, but gradually to find room for both blessings and living. In our religious understanding, the deceased have their own path. Family love need not be expressed by continually keeping them at your side.

Different kinds of remains and possessions must also be distinguished. Photographs can recall shared days. In my religious understanding, a body, fur, or ashes is not quite the same as an ordinary photograph. A possible attachment to objects does not mean everyone should remove all photographs, nor must every moment of remembrance be seen as preventing departure. However, numerous large photographs combined with an inability to let go also warrant attention to that attachment. Choosing photographs does not remove the need to examine your feelings.