Why should I work on myself in relationships rather than control others?

We work on ourselves first because our choices and reactions are our responsibility. Whether others like or acknowledge us, and when, is not entirely within our control. If confidence and happiness depend wholly on their responses, our hearts are easily unsettled when they do not meet our expectations.

I also used to worry about fulfilling my responsibilities and disappointing the deities. Gradually examining the problem revealed its connection with confidence. Confidence based only on others' approval or being needed is easily shaken. What matters is being able to affirm and trust yourself. For me, faith in the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, scripture recitation, and Buddha-name recitation also give strength during this process.

Family members and partners have their own minds and choices. Make an effort where you can care and help, but whether they change or feel happy is not entirely up to you. Taking everything beyond your ability upon yourself leaves you continually feeling inadequate. Care for your own condition while respecting their choices. You do not need to carry their lessons for them too.

Faith works similarly. When our present wisdom and abilities cannot overcome an obstacle, the deities and Buddhas can offer hope and assistance, but they do not decide our whole life for us. We still need to know what we want to do and how we are willing to work. We may not control when opportunities or miracles arrive, but the effort we can make now is something we can undertake.

In my understanding of faith, desires, greed, anger, and ignorance resonate with harmful energy. Accumulating negativity and imbalance between yin and yang also correspond with worldly calamities. This was the perspective from which I reflected on human hearts when discussing the pandemic then. Practice therefore begins with changing ourselves and gradually influencing relatives and friends, increasing positive strength little by little.