How can I prevent a conflict from escalating?

First notice your emotions instead of focusing only on winning. Deliberately saying something you know will hurt another person is often venting rather than helping resolve the immediate problem. If the other person is angry too, the dispute may become increasingly serious.

In a couple's argument, for example, wounded pride may prompt the most provocative remark. If the other person can remain calm, they may walk away. If both act impulsively, the argument can easily grow. To discuss a problem clearly, first consider whether you are communicating or simply seeking words that will make the other person uncomfortable.

Pilgrimages can involve similar situations. On the same road, one procession may be arriving and another departing. If both insist that their deity should go first and neither yields, conflict can arise. At Sheng Zhen Men, we observe the situation, yield when appropriate, follow proper etiquette, and wait to the side. There is no need to create unpleasantness over who goes first.

If a calm conversation is no longer possible, you can leave temporarily and return once emotions settle. But as someone involved, first explain that both sides are emotional, a pause is needed, and you will talk later. Walking away without a word may feel dismissive or disrespectful to the other person and increase anger. Taking a pause is meant to help handle the matter well afterward.