How does communication begin with understanding the other person?

First understand the other person, then consider how to explain yourself clearly. If you only rush to win the argument, you can end up talking past each other. Empathy means being willing to stand in the other person's position and understand what happened and why they speak that way. You do not have to agree or argue immediately.

I gradually learned this while serving clients. Aggressive speech used to annoy and anger me. Later I wondered whether insecurity made the person feel a need for such armor. That perspective allowed some anger to turn into sympathy. Dao Shun also shared that a friend cut ties over one remark, only later learning of the other person's family difficulties. Another older colleague's minor behavior arose from financial pressure and fear of losing work. Understanding circumstances can change how we feel about someone. Still, explore the actual situation rather than guessing the same cause for every difficult encounter. It does not make inappropriate behavior acceptable.

Sometimes someone needs care but cannot explain it clearly. Crying, temper, or saying the opposite of what they mean may be attempts to draw attention to feelings. Adults sometimes fail to notice what matters deeply to children and answer only, 'What are you making a fuss about?' making communication harder. Try first to understand whether vulnerability or unspoken needs lie behind the emotion.

Dao Shun learned in a course that communication should help another person understand, rather than decide who argues best. If they still do not understand, add information or explain differently. I also connect this with listening, reflecting, and practicing: first listen, then digest and think, and finally adjust yourself. Being willing to take that extra step is more useful than continually blaming the other person for not understanding.

Words themselves have power too. In my understanding of faith, even how we address unseen beings calls for respect. With colleagues, appropriate affirmation and encouragement are also helpful. I once used an improvement from sixty points to eighty or ninety as a comparison. The point was that continued positive support gives someone an opportunity to do increasingly well.

Kṣitigarbha Bodhisattva's vow taught me not to give up explaining readily. If someone does not understand the first explanation, we can explain again and consider where we were unclear. First doing our own part well and finding a way to help people understand is the reminder I draw from the Bodhisattva's spirit of teaching.

Family members also need to practice this understanding on both sides. Children who feel their mother controls too much can first consider whether love and worry motivate her. Mothers also need to stand in the grown child's position and leave room for personal responsibility. We cannot demand understanding from one side while the other adjusts nothing.

A colleague may offer advice because they once made the same mistake and want to help you do well. Assuming immediately that they want your job or look down on you can quickly sour your mood. Listen to what is said and understand its intention before your own negative assumptions carry you away.

The same applies when speaking with elders. Some parents grew up with hitting, scolding, and loud voices and never learned how to express themselves. If we have learned and know better how to be understood, use that ability first and find wording they can understand. Saying that those who understand more can be more accepting reminds me to do more myself rather than always waiting for others to change first.

While working in a restaurant, YOYO once took a steak order without asking how the guest wanted it cooked and decided on the guest's behalf. Only after serving did YOYO discover it was not what the guest wanted. The lesson was to ask a missed question afterward, rather than guess because of fear that being new would show. Willingness to ask one more question reveals what is truly needed.

I also admire people who still listen attentively after becoming well known. When sharing stories about people, this approachable attitude matters most to me: not leaving others aside because of one's own status. Taking in their words and helping them feel respected makes it easier to continue relating well.

Before speaking, you can also clarify the shared purpose. A child wanting to move out may still love the parents and simply want them to understand the plan. Colleagues discussing a proposal may want the work done well, rather than reject the other person. Understanding what is being discussed first can prevent a single remark from leading to a rupture.

Miao Yuan shared pointing out specific missing connections in a colleague's proposal. Although unhappy, the colleague later improved it. She also used an anime the colleague liked to ease the atmosphere. Her workplace experience reminds me that understanding what someone cares about and explaining the matter clearly can go together, leaving more than accusation alone.