Does seeing through worldly life mean avoiding relationships, family and work from then on?

No. Seeing through worldly life means developing an understanding of life and gradually recognising our attachments. If you cut yourself off from relationships, family and work and then claim to have seen through them without encountering them, that is more like avoidance. There is not yet genuine understanding.

When I took refuge, I received this reminder: before seeing through something, we need understanding and experience. Encounters in life give us opportunities to see our own hearts. Only then can principles we merely understood intellectually gradually become our own lived understanding.

Relationships are especially capable of testing practitioners. Losing a loved one or ending a relationship can be deeply painful. Practising does not mean we will never grieve. What we need to learn is how to understand life’s joys, sorrows, separations and reunions, accept what has happened and continue living. Avoiding emotional relationships does not mean we have passed that lesson.

Dao Xuan recounted a friend’s question: would wanting a girlfriend and marriage conflict with wanting to practise? I have a wife and family myself, and that does not conflict with developing wisdom, character and virtue. The question is whether we can understand ourselves better within these relationships, or remain continually pulled by desire and concern until our minds lose their steadiness.

The Bodhisattva also taught me to understand great love for living beings through love for family. For example, the Bodhisattva regards every being as their own child. I cannot yet do that and am still learning. Family gives us opportunities to understand love and also reveals what we cannot let go of. We can continue growing through this process without first separating ourselves from family in order to feel able to practise.

In marriage, two people come from different families and educational backgrounds. Living together offers opportunities to learn how to understand, know and stay beside another person. This is what I mean by marriage being a small exercise. Willingness to give may lessen existing resentment, but cannot guarantee a happy marriage; some relationships still end. Cherish the time together while the connection remains, and learn to face its ending when it comes. Look back at what you understood through it rather than remain trapped by the relationship.

I have also discussed the determination to change through the idea of renunciation. Put simply, it means having had enough of the present condition, not wanting to keep living this way and being willing to act. This is not telling people to leave their families first. It asks what they want to change and whether they are willing to do something differently for it.

When discussing pressure as motivation, I have also reminded people that pressure must be bearable. If it exceeds what we can take, it can crush us. Someone once advised me to buy a car and house first so monthly payments would force me to earn money. That was advice I received, not a method everyone should follow. Changing our previous way of life still requires considering our ability and circumstances.