How should we accompany and treat someone who is depressed or ill?

Master’s emphasis is to treat the person as someone who is ill. Depression is difficult to judge, he said, but it is nonetheless an illness. When it occurs, the person is a patient. Family should be one another’s refuge rather than use hurtful language. People with inner illness suffer greatly, and may be unable to control things others find unimaginable. They need greater tolerance and love.

He explained that a depressed person’s mood may fall without an identifiable reason and they may be unable to say why they are unhappy. People in news interviews likewise say not to tell them to be happy because they cannot feel happy. We therefore cannot judge through ordinary expectations or demand typical romantic behavior. A partner with depression needs much more empathy and concern. This is difficult; Master acknowledged he was not the person involved and that doing it is hard.

Regarding words, saying “You are not that bad” in an attempt to pull someone out of decline may instead prompt “Yes, I am just useless.” He also said “Do not be sad” is unhelpful and deities do not offer meaningless consolation. He relayed an interviewee’s parents saying “You still have us,” considering that wise and worth learning: offer some supportive strength. Another part of the program said many doctors advise against telling depressed friends “It is fine” or “Do not worry,” as these are meaningless. He compared it to a cold: telling an already sick person to exercise and drink water on their own can be difficult. Usually, medication first improves the condition more quickly, after which personal effort becomes easier.

Master observed that depression is difficult to emerge from and encouragement may meet “You do not understand me.” He hoped things would not become very dark and encouraged early attention when friends notice something wrong. Sometimes companionship is what is needed. Do what you can; if you cannot find an approach yourself, ask others for help.

Accompaniment does not require enduring everything. Master said ending a relationship because of illness combined with relationship misconduct could be acceptable, but should be handled appropriately and gently rather than aggressively or without an opportunity to explain. If unable to accommodate the situation, one need not remain in the relationship, but should avoid aggravating the symptoms. He felt the main cause might not lie with you, yet knowing the person is ill means not blaming the sick person, instead seeking and helping resolve the unfavorable energy affecting them.

Another episode concerned a similar but different situation: a friend’s girlfriend spoke of suicide when low, alongside cases of threatening death to prevent separation, putting the friend under great pressure. Master said such coercion felt frightening and needed particular discernment. The friend later speculated her condition might relate to depression. The program also described that particular woman as having lacked childhood care and having some depressive and bipolar difficulties. This was about her individual situation, distinct from the earlier discussion of accommodating someone who is ill.

Helpers become tired too. Master said families also struggle because they do not know how to help. He hoped they would learn ways of relating without being pulled down by the other person’s negative energy. If help does not lead where you hoped, you may feel distressed and keep imagining what could have been done differently. He said to remind yourself to let go, or future helping will carry great pressure. Everyone has their own lessons. We do the part we can, and the other person also has the right not to accept help.