Can the effects of our family of origin change in adulthood?

Our family of origin leaves an influence, but later life does not lose all choice. We cannot decide birth circumstances, yet can gradually learn judgment and action as adults. A difficult beginning need not cancel future possibilities. First consider where effort remains possible now.

Ideas accumulated over years do not all change after understanding one principle. In discussing this with Dao Xuan, we acknowledged how hard it can be to find a personal way through. Others may need to remind and offer direction, followed by gradual understanding. Recognizing influence begins facing it, not requiring immediate release of reactions formed over many years.

Direction must connect with action. Ask when you repeatedly choose the same things and what people surround you. If your environment continually leads poorly, try other fields and more positive company. The world is larger than this present group, and old paths need not be repeated forever.

Through faith, divination can offer directions for thought and effort, but you still live the days afterward. My distinction between given destiny and changing fortunes aims to reveal choices beyond an unrepeatable beginning. Starts and difficulties differ. With direction, try change step by step, without simply calling someone insufficiently hardworking because they have not yet emerged.

We long for family support and care. Yet in adulthood, whether or not it was provided earlier, many past events cannot be changed. Live in the present and make efforts for yourself now. Without external acknowledgment, you can acknowledge yourself. In my life, support from elders, family, or society has sometimes felt insufficient. Yet I feel one presence unconditionally loves, supports, and accompanies you: the divine. That is how God exists for me.

If missing love truly cannot be restored, such as past matters with parents or elders and time that cannot return, I sometimes suggest directing attention toward deities. In faith, they always accompany, love, and support us, so we are not alone. Of course, this is a religious way of speaking. I believe religion can offer refuge and strength.

But when the lack of love originates in the family, that family history matters greatly. I have seen people in their fifties or sixties still deeply dependent on partners or parents and fearful of life. Rather than say they are too old for this, understand causes to help. Parents in their seventies or eighties may find supporting a fifty- or sixty-year-old child very difficult or impossible. Religious help depends on the person: strong conviction, worship, and prayer may help, while persistent poor condition without strong faith limits what religion offers. The main problem remains family origins rather than the religious dimension.

Looking back at my mother brought another layer of understanding. In childhood, television had to stop at bedtime; delay brought scolding or beating, which I did not understand. Later I considered her financial pressures and heard of an early family favoring sons and experiencing alcohol-related domestic violence. That helped me understand accumulated unhappiness. It was renewed understanding of my own family, not one cause for every person struggling with emotion.

Dependence in relationships can also be viewed through upbringing. Some children longed for attention while feeling lonely; others had parents who gave much without the child feeling the expected love. As adults they may particularly value a partner’s companionship. Relationships matter, and understanding what you hope to receive within one is worthwhile.

I gradually understood my mother’s emphasis on education too. She said family attitudes meant leaving primary school unfinished to help with farming, so she wanted her children to study and live better. Yet I was also scolded and beaten over comics, later discovering that activities she associated with bad students did not reflect the whole picture. Understanding elders’ histories also helps identify ideas that can be adjusted.

Watch whether unwanted approaches return unnoticed under intense emotion. I gave an example of someone often beaten in childhood who intends different parenting but vents stress on children. This may not be their original wish; nobody had taught emotional management. Understanding origins still calls for regular practice in transformation, allowing another response when events occur.

Some people lacked parental companionship and felt distant from their family, later seeking particular dependence in romance. I discuss these situations to understand childhood hopes for care alongside later partner expectations. Recognizing a strong wish for companionship also allows exploring the experiences behind it.

We also discussed people whose childhood family experience felt short on shared time or love, possibly leaving fear during development.

The child-prodigy news I discussed included later change. The mother began accepting what her child could not do and gradually taught daily living and social understanding. The grown child, now a parent, did not want the next generation taught identically. The past cannot restart, but noticing problems permits different future teaching and interaction rather than inevitable repetition.

Watching Our Beloved Summer, Dao Jing and I noticed how different characters each carried insecurity. The heroine’s poverty led her to defend herself against closeness. The apparently indifferent hero later revealed fear of abandonment. This concerned fictional characters, not identical causes for every poor or quiet person.

I was also concerned by a mother blaming her own life’s misfortune on her child. The producer character longed for his mother’s love yet found meeting her painful. This reminded parents that harsh words in a low mood can leave deep marks. Reflection seeks to understand reactions and possibilities for change, not one conclusion for every family.

I have seen people gradually become willing to face themselves through good companionship and relationships. Companionship includes friends and family, not only romance. The characters’ honesty, confrontation, and release also meant acting differently from before. Everyone has different gaps. I hope people see that an imperfect beginning can still lead toward a fuller life.

I once placed great importance on being obedient and sensible. Even with ideas of my own, I often set them aside before teachers and supervisors, believing they were more capable and should be followed. Even after learning divination, I habitually asked a teacher first and struggled to trust my judgment.

Cultivation and becoming a teacher gradually built confidence that I could think and judge too. Authority does not guarantee freedom from error. This was my experience of change. Looking back at family teaching reveals the habit, giving a future occasion room for another thought rather than automatically handing the decision away.