Should children’s futures simply follow their parents’ plans?

Children should not simply follow parental plans; we must also understand the life they want. Parents give much and hope their children will live well. That feeling is understandable, but what parents want and what children want may differ.

I saw a news story about a father and son. The parents economized for years, hoping their son would work for a large corporation. He joined one but later resigned to help disadvantaged children. He said childhood had been almost entirely study and tutoring, with education and work following his father’s plans. Watching arguments over educational expenses placed him under great pressure. Now grown, he wanted work he liked. His father felt his considerable sacrifices were unappreciated.

Another story about a child prodigy also moved me. A child who devotes all time to studying without chances to learn daily living or make friends may still struggle in adult society. Such stories ask whether the education we give matches children’s real needs. They do not describe every gifted student or family.

Parents sometimes place unfulfilled wishes on children. For instance, failing to enter medical school themselves, they insist their children do so. But are the children interested or suited? That still requires understanding. Children have their own interests and lives, rather than existing to complete parents’ old wishes.

Of course, the reasons behind parental expectations deserve understanding. Some endured hardship with little family support and believe studying hard is their child’s only chance at a better life. I understand that hope. But continual pressure to study, removing chances to learn living skills and make friends, may cause suffering despite good intentions.

Dao Jing described a university student who enjoyed drumming and basketball and felt happy afterward. The father saw no future in them, and family complained about the noise of drums. The student gradually stopped and shut himself in his room. The parents sought help because he would not come out, but also needed to hear why the activities he once enjoyed had one by one become forbidden.

Exposure to music, languages, and sport helps children understand themselves. Trying something need not immediately decide a lifetime. My son explored performance, public speaking, rap, DJing, and performing arts studies, while still searching for his true interests. Broad experience does not guarantee instant answers, but offers personal understanding of whether a path is wanted.

Respecting interests does not mean parents can never advise. Without guidance, people may sometimes take unnecessary detours. Parents can share experience to clarify choices. I suggested dance to my daughter, but when she later wanted drama, we considered her own direction. Offering advice differs from deciding her entire life.